Two steps forward, one step back.
I can feel the progress, but it's harder to appreciate it on the 'one-step-back' days.
The bedtime chapter book we've been reading is lost. Somehow this is a magnanimous disaster for my routine-loving boy. Routines are safety. And dealing with changes at the end of a long day, well sometimes, it's just too much to ask.
Some AS kids have meltdowns that look like a toddler tantrum on steroids. Screaming, kicking, throw-yourself-on-the-ground to deal with the inner pain of sensory overload or fearsome changes. Not my son. His are pretty stealthy meltdowns and I can't often see them building under the surface. He retreats, disappears, stops talking, starts bawling, tears streaming down his face that the day simply can't go on because the book is missing and he needs storytime.
Skipping stories is a big deal to a kid who lives to read stories.
So tonight we meltdown.
The routine is not right.
And sometimes that will just have to be what it is.
As much as I have tried, as he grows, I know I cannot eliminate all disappointment and change from his life. After several minutes of melting-down we were able to move on tonight. He's now sleeping peacefully.
But that is not how every night ends.
I don't have to worry about those nights.
They are the yesterdays, maybe even the tomorrows, but not today.
Today I will be thankful for a long day with a short meltdown and a happily sleeping boy.